Remembering "Shelley" - December 26, 1930 to June 9, 2019

Shelley - March 2019

My adopted aunt “Shelley” died suddenly and unexpectedly on Sunday morning 6/9/19 at 4 am. I am still a bit in shock and very sad.

There's a saying from the Talmud that I heard the Jewish songwriter Debbie Friedman share once, and that saying inspired and motivated me as I reached out to Shelley.  That saying is "If you save a life, you can save the world."

I thought of that saying a lot when I began to help Shelley.  I truly believed when I met her that I could possibly save a person from being sad and miserable and give her some love.  It seemed she never had been loved and I grew to love and care about her.

Shelley - June 3, 2019 (Six Days before her death)

Only six days before she passed away, on Monday, June 3, I went to the Royal Care Skilled Nursing Center, the nursing home where she had lived since July of 2018.  Just before I left I kissed my hand and then placed that hand with the kiss on her forehead.  My father actually kissed her forehead before I did that and said good-bye..  My husband Dan gave her a good-bye hug.  She looked like she was coming down with a cold, but my husband also said she looked very frail.  He did not believe she could live much longer, but I told Dan she'd looked "like that" for some time and I thought she'd be around of course the following Monday so my son Joel could visit her.  That did not happen.

Last time I saw Shelley alive and well - 6/3/19

Shelley's Real Name Was Jean Johnson But All the Schneider's Called Her Shelley

We just did not know that six days later on Saturday, June 8, Shelley would be very sick, but I am so glad that when I last saw her the previous Monday that we had had wonderful visit with her.  We took out of the closet the stuffed animals I gave her to hold (she never wanted them on her bed unless a visitor was there since she thought they would get ruined) and I showed her many photos and videos of all that was going on with my family.  I straightened up her nightstand and closet.  We brought her a chocolate milk shake from McDonalds which she drank a bit of through a straw.  I gave her some books and she was so excited to be able to read one of the books I brought in particular which was by one of her favorite authors John Grisham.

I also found my friend Rosie's autobiography out of place in her room and she was so delighted to look at Rosie's book and told me she could not wait to read Rosie's story.  Unfortunately, Shelley never got to read the book Rosie gave her, but she did look at some of the photos in the book that afternoon.  Rosie gave her the book on Friday, May 31 and had told me she had also brought Shelley a chocolate milkshake which she gobbled up.

Rosie Visited Shelley and Took This Photo on Friday, May 31, 2019

Shelley loved to read and seemed to devour up every book I brought her.  She had a magnifying glass that was misplaced when she moved to the nursing home, but my dad gave her one of his magnifying glasses which she used to read and every time we visited her, she'd thank my father for that magnifying glass.  Before she got sick, she loved stopping at "The Little Library" where free books were given away in Long Beach and she always had books to give back in return.

Below I will share how I came to love Shelley.  She was a person I really did not know until 2015:

Shelley A.K.A. Jean or Jill or Elaine or Sylvia:

Shelley AKA Jean, Elaine, Jill, or Sylvia

First of all, I must explain that Shelley's name was not really Shelley.  Her real name was Jean Elizabeth, but Jean didn't like the name Jean so she went by names she liked.

For many of her friends she went by Jill, but when she met my Uncle Bobby in the mid-1960s, she told him her name was Shelley.  She actually never really liked the name Shelley, but my uncle insisted on calling her that after she told him that was her name, so Shelley was always "Shelley" to the Schneider Family.

So Shelley went by Shelley for the Schneiders and for me and my dad and my family, but everyone else called her Jean.  At the nursing home, I remember when I called, I'd hear, "Miss Jean, you have a phone call!"

She told me that she also went by the name Elaine after she saw a movie where there were two characters named Gina and Elaine.  Shelley, a.k.a Jean, went by the name Elaine until she came to America and then she was Jill in America and then she went by Jill for 42 years!

Also, she went by the name Sylvia for a time.  She told me once that she decided she could use any name she wanted to and be whoever she wanted to be.  I wonder if fact and fiction sometimes merged in Shelley's life?

Lied About Her Age:

Altered Birth Year to 1936!

Altered Birth Year to 1941!

Shelley also lied about her age when she came to the USA because she was going to marry a younger man when she came to the United States.  She really was born in 1930, but changed her birth year to 1941.  (I found an altered birth certificate among her photos after she passed away.  On that altered and forged birth certificate, she changed her maiden name to Johnson and even changed her parents' names to Frank Johnson and Elizabeth Ann Foley!)  Later, that "little white lie" caused all sorts of trouble for her on official documents in the USA.

Shelley Even Lied About Her Birth Date Year On Her Naturalization Certificate!  (Note:  I Confirmed Her TRUE Birthdate from her REAL Birth Certificate)

After her death, I discovered that Shelley had continued to lie about her age in the United States.  She told everyone her birth year was 1936, but she was actually born in 1930.  Her California I.D. and her Driver's Licenses all said 1936, but her real birth certificate verified she was born on December 26, 1930!

Uncle Bobby and Shelley:

My Grandma Fannie, Uncle Bobby, and Shelley

Shelley and my Uncle Bobby were the Schneider Family mystery relatives.  They lived in Marina Del Rey for over 40 years in a place called The Oakwood which was a luxury apartment community near the Venice Beach Pier.

Shelley and Bobby

We all knew Uncle Bobby lived with Shelley, but that is all we knew.   The last time I recall seeing Shelley before my uncle died in 2014 was at my wedding on April 7, 1979.

My Wedding Day - Shelley Is Wearing a Pink Dress and Sandals and Is Standing On the End Next to My Grandma Fannie (who is wearing the mink stole) and My Uncle Bobby

As the years passed, Shelley was not ever present when our family saw Uncle Bobby, and I even believed that Bobby was making up Shelley's existence. (I thought she had left him.)

Uncle Bobby would talk about how he and Shelley were saving their money to buy a townhome somewhere and he mentioned sometimes that Shelley worried about solicitors invading their privacy so that was the reason they only answered their phone if those who called used a special code where we had to call and ring twelve times and then hang up and then call again and ring something like 10 times and hang up, and then call again and ring eight times and hang up and on the fourth call they would finally answer!

Uncle Bobby's Death Brought Shelley Into Our Lives:

My Uncle Robert "Bobby" Schneider

Uncle Bobby's death on April 17, 2014 changed the "Shelley mystery" from what I may have thought was a fictional person Bobby was pretending to still live with to a reality.

On May 14, 2014, my father called Uncle Bobby to wish him Happy Birthday.  My father was puzzled when there was no answer even though he meticulously used the special code Bobby insisted on to reach him.  My dad was concerned, so he called the second number Bobby used, which was Shelley's phone, and Shelley finally answered.

What Shelley told my father shocked us all....Bobby had died on April 17!  Shelley said she did not know how to reach my father to let him know the sad news, but she also told my father that she didn't know what to do.  She had no idea how to function without Bobby.  My uncle had paid all the bills and took care of her.

Less than a week later, my father flew out to California to help Shelley. She had no money and owed rent money for May to the Oakwood Apartments.  She had no food.  Uncle Bobby's remains were at the Los Angeles County Morgue and his death certificate said he died as an Unknown.  My dad fixed all of this.

On May 19, my dad made arrangements for my uncle to be moved to Forest Lawn in Long Beach to be laid to rest next to my grandparents and mother and other members of the Schneider family.  Uncle Bobby's death certificate was amended by Forest Lawn.  He was no longer an Unknown.  (My dad told Shelley and me that there was a place inside the crypt he bought at Forest Lawn for Bobby for her to join Bobby when the time came.)  Shelley insisted that Bobby not have a memorial service saying he would not want one.

My dad drove to Marina Del Rey from Long Beach and took Shelley to the bank and opened up a bank account in her name.  He taught Shelley how to write checks to pay her rent and how to withdraw cash so she could buy groceries.  She was able to walk with her shopping cart to the local Ralph's Supermarket, so at least she had food.

At the time, Shelley had no official identification.  She was sure Bobby had it hidden somewhere, so my dad helped Shelley get a new California I.D..  My dad told me after getting her a new California I.D., that Shelley's name was not Shelley at all.  That is when we learned her real name was Jean Johnson.  Until then, she was just "SHELLEY!"

The Oakwood Apartments where Uncle Bobby and Shelley lived for over 40 years

In addition, Shelley wanted to move away from The Oakwood since the rent had increased to $3500 a month, so my dad helped Shelley find an apartment in Long Beach next to the Long Beach Senior Center at a place only for seniors called Magnolia Manor.  Shelley insisted on a two-bedroom two-bath apartment, and the rent at Magnolia Manor at the time for a two-bedroom apartment was only $1100 a month.

Magnolia Manor - Shelley's New Home Near Downtown Long Beach

My dad told Shelley he would make arrangements for her to move from Marina Del Rey to Long Beach on his next trip to California and suggested to her that she start packing and sorting through things.

All this my father did for Shelley from late May 2014 through early August 2014.  I was not involved and left all the arrangements in my dad's and Shelley's hands.  I did not know Shelley then and my dad seemed to be totally in charge of all that was going on regarding Shelley.  My dad thought she was more capable than she really was.

Approximately ten months passed.

JO ANN Takes Over the "Shelley Project":

In  March or April of 2015, my dad and I took a trip together to Long Beach and I asked my dad, "What about Shelley?" 

It seemed that my father had completely forgotten about her.  Maybe he just blocked the shock of losing his brother out of his mind once he took care of Bobby's burial and of Shelley's immediate housing and financial needs, but he really forgot that Shelley had been waiting for him to call her and for him to make arrangements for her move.

I realized then that I had to contact Shelley and take over, so I called her number and she was so happy that I had called.

"I just didn't know what to do, so I just have been waiting and waiting for Arthur to call." Shelley told me.

She also told me that she'd been mailing rental checks to BOTH the Magnolia Manor in Long Beach and to The Oakwood since my father arranged for the Long Beach apartment.  She'd been also paying the utility bills.

I told Shelley that I could arrange for movers to come in the next week, but Shelley panicked.  She said she'd worked hard at throwing away Uncle Bobby's collection of newspapers and magazines, but she had not packed anything.

I called a local moving company that told me that they could do the packing of boxes.  I also arranged that Shelley only move some of her belongings in April and that we do the rest when my dad and I returned to California on Memorial Day Weekend.

I was excited about meeting Shelley face to face.  She sounded so sweet on the phone.

No Longer Beautiful:

Beautiful Young Shelley the Way I Remembered Her

Shelley told me that she no longer was the beautiful like I remembered her.  (My dad had also told me that she was bent over, so I was a bit prepared.)  It turned out she had Osteoporosis and her body had suffered from it.

(As I got to know Shelley better, I learned that she had used her looks as a younger person to get one man after the other to help her.  She was involved with six different men before my uncle became her lifetime companion.  She told me that when she hit 30 years old that she cried since she truly believed that losing her looks would affect her life.  She also told me as a young person, she loved having her photo taken, but as she grew older she hated being in photos.)

Moving Day #1:

Moving day finally came.  I remember calling Shelley the night before and she told me how nervous she was.  I assured her all was okay.  She, at my direction, had withdrawn $900 cash from the bank account my father had set up for her ready to pay the movers for this partial day of moving some things.

My dad and I left Long Beach very early and drove through Los Angeles' heavy traffic so we could be at Shelley's Marina Del Rey apartment early.  I dropped off my dad in front of the Oakwood where Shelley was waiting for us and looked for a place to park.  When my father and I connected before we entered Shelley's apartment, he was upset and was shaking his head.

"We need to reschedule the move.  Shelley hasn't packed anything.  The place is piled to the top with plastic bags.  There is stuff everywhere.  Nothing is packed at all!"

I responded that the movers were going to charge us anyway, so we needed to make the most of the day.

Shelley was dressed in ragged jeans and a ragged shirt.  A ratty looking wig was on her head.  She looked like a street person.  She smelled like cigarette smoke.

When the movers arrived, they shook their heads, but said they could move some of the things that morning.  They took about ten to twelve bookshelves, a long chest of drawers and two tall chests of drawers, a room divider, a coffee table, a folding metal table, two very broken looking chairs, and a desk.  They packed a lot of the books and clothes in boxes.  They packed up dishes, tableware, and glasses.

Shelley didn't want the movers to take the couches, kitchen table, or a bed, but I did talk Shelley into taking the better of the two twin beds that were in the apartment that day.

It appeared that Shelley and Bobby had lived in separate rooms and slept in twin beds in those separate rooms for the over 40 years they lived together.  Bobby's room was quite orderly and neat, but Shelley's was piled high with so many things that it was hard to move around.  Her walk in closet had so many clothes in it that she could  have owned an entire clothing section in a department store.

I told the movers to stop working since there was only $900 to pay them that day, so at around 12:30 pm, we stopped and then the movers and my dad and I and Shelley headed to Long Beach to move what had been packed.  Shelley was very "stressed out" but we all looked forward to getting some of the belongings to her new apartment in Long Beach.

I remember buying her lunch at McDonalds and she was so grateful for the food.  She and my dad stood up in her new kitchen as they ate and I remember her happily dipping french fries in ketchup.

When the movers arrived, Shelley told the movers where to put her bookshelves and room divider, dressers, and bed.  Boxes filled up the extra bedroom.  We paid the movers and then took Shelley back to Marina Del Rey.  By the time the movers left it was very late in the afternoon, so we had to drive Shelley back to Marina Del Rey in rush hour traffic.

Shelley's New Long Beach Apartment After Moving Day #1

More of Shelley's Long Beach Apartment After Moving Day #1

My dad and I were exhausted, but, after dropping Shelley back in Marina Del Rey, we returned to the Long Beach apartment and hung up all of Shelley's clothes and put all her books on the bookshelves neatly.  Her new apartment looked so nice, but we did wonder how the rest of her things would fit in the new apartment which was smaller than her apartment in the Marina.

Moving Day #2:

A month or so later my dad and I returned to Long Beach.  I arranged for the final and second move and told Shelley this would be the final move and to do her best to pack.

On Memorial Day, we repeated the same experience we did in April.  Nothing was packed and frantically Shelley directed the movers. My dad and I were both disappointed and decided to leave Shelley with the movers that morning. I took a scooter ride from Venice Beach to Santa Monica Pier and back and my dad read a book by the pool as Shelley directed the movers.  I had no idea then how overwhelmed or helpless she was or I would have helped more, but she was so nervous and a bit snappy that I thought it was best to leave her alone with the movers.

JO ANN Rode Her Razor Scooter From Venice Beach to Santa Monica Pier and Back While Shelley's Moving Truck Was Packed!

My Dad Waited By the Pool at the Oakwood While the Movers Packed Up the Moving Truck

When almost all her things were in the moving truck, Shelley locked up her old apartment and joined us in our car almost in tears.

"These things are all I have," said Shelley.  "Jo Ann, you have a nice husband and family, but I have nothing else."

I listened hard to what Shelley said, but I didn't understand then that Shelley was a hoarder like the hoarders that people see on television.  I learned later that the things we moved to that apartment in Long Beach seemed to own Shelley.  Also, on the way to Long Beach, Shelley told us stories of her life with my uncle and we suggested ways for her to be happy in her new home in Long Beach. She seemed to be excited about living next to the Long Beach Senior Center and told us that once she settled in, that she would get involved with the activities there. (That never happened because Shelley spent most of her time surrounded by her hoard of things and rarely left the apartment.)

Once the movers crammed all her belongings into her new apartment and the movers were paid, my dad and I asked Shelley if we could help put some of her things away, but she assured us she would arrange everything on her own.  We wondered how in the world she would be able to function with so much stuff.

Before that final move, I'd set up phone installation for Shelley, so before we left Shelley that evening, we plugged an old phone she'd brought from the Marina Del Rey apartment into the phone outlet and made sure her phone worked.

A few days later, my father and I went back to the old apartment in Marina Del Rey and emptied all the trash and things that had been left there.  We filled up 30 to 40 huge black bags of trash!  We packed our car with more of Shelley's things and cleaned the apartment completely. That took an entire day and the next day we brought Shelley the remainder of her belongings.

I Knew I Had to Help Shelley and Took Her Grocery Shopping:

Returning From a Grocery Shopping Outing in 2017 - Shelley's Wearing the Wig Gigi Bought Her

I thought perhaps we were done helping Shelley, but there was a part of me that told me that she needed me, so I made a commitment to call her as often as I could and when I did go to Long Beach, I made a commitment to take her grocery shopping.

It was during those grocery shopping trips that I became more and more committed to Shelley.  As time passed, she told me that without me, she thought she may have died or ended up on the street.  In time, learned how helpless she was. 

At first I thought she could shop on her own, but I quickly discovered it was quite hard for her to shop since her eyes were quite bad.  (She told me that she was blind in one eye because someone had lit a lighter near her eye when she was younger.)

She had her own shopping cart she hung on to which she told me supported her like a walker.  She also made a list in advance and usually had a map of the Ralphs supermarket we went to so she could find things.  Shelley really liked shopping at Ralphs, but the Ralphs near her apartment had small aisles, so I began to take her to the Ralphs in Seal Beach since the aisles were wide and we could find things easier.

Shelley's Shopping Cart

Before we went shopping, I'd take Shelley to the bank to cash funds, but later on I got her a debit card especially to pay for her groceries and to cash funds at Ralphs.  She loved that and that made the trips to the grocery store easier since I didn't have to stop at the bank every time to obtain cash for Shelley.

I quickly memorized Shelley's shopping list.  It was actually kind of a comical shopping list! 

 

• three to four family size bags of Wavy Lay's Potato Chips 
• three to four boxes each of Honey Nut Cheerios
• three to four boxes of Honeycomb cereal 
• a combined gigantic package of Reeses and Kit Kat candies 
• huge blocks of cheddar and jack cheese
• Carving board brand turkey, chicken, and ham cold cuts
• instant and brewed coffee (she insisted on name brands so it was always Yuban or something similar)
• Coffee Mate hazelnut and french vanilla liquid creamers
• cherry tomatoes
• green onions 
• Kroger brand fresh spinach
• hot chocolate with marshmallows 
• whole milk 
• orange juice 
• Oroweat 12 Grain bread or Multi Grain (she hated white bread but was very particular about the brand of bread she would eat) 
• canned tuna that she could open without a can opener
• Del Monte Fruit Cocktail 
• small containers of Mott's plain applesauce 
• a whole hot chicken from the deli
• two to three containers of Dreyers and Breyers Slow Churned Chocolate or Neopolitan ice cream 
• Ken's Salad Dressing
• Forever stamps
• and Winston brand cigarettes!  

What About Toilet Paper?

Shelley never bought soap, toilet paper, kleenex, or paper towels.  She must have had a hoard of paper goods and basic goods stocked somewhere in her apartment.  She also would grab a huge amount of the plastic bags available in the vegetable and fruit section of the market and put them in her purse.

With the exception of the cigarettes, she ate like a little kid!

I Shopped For Shelley:

Once in a while, Shelley did not feel well, so I would do Shelley's shopping for her and deliver her groceries.  I told her I would buy everything on her list, but I didn't want to support her smoking habit, so I refused to buy her cigarettes.

As time passed, my trips to Long Beach were centered around making sure I took Shelley grocery shopping since although she could shop at the corner market next to the Senior Center, the selection was limited.

I learned later, after I bought her a toaster, that she did make toast and boil water, but that was all the cooking she knew how to do.  I did buy her a microwave and bought her some heat and serve dinners, but she just couldn't get the hang of the microwave, so those dinners may have gone to waste.  She told me she was scared to turn on the oven.

Shelley Loved the Keurig Coffee Maker I Bought Her and Thought the Tray for the Pods Was So Cute!

I also bought her a Keurig coffee maker since she loved coffee so much.  Unlike the Microwave, she got the hang of how to use the Keurig after I coached her for about an hour on how to use it. She liked the tray with a drawer so she could store the pods inside of it that I also gave her. 

Shelley sat for hours on this chair in this kitchen.  I think the pad on the chair was to make her more comfortable.  She ate in this chair with the TV table in front of her, smoked and drank coffee in this chair, and shred papers for hours in this chair.

Shelley's Kitchen After I Cleaned It Up.  Shelley would not let me touch the stuff on the room divider.  Notice the stack on gift boxes...her apartment was filled with hundreds of gift boxes! - November, 2017

When we would return to her apartment, rarely would Shelley let me put her groceries away, but sometimes I insisted.  As time passed, after each shopping trip, more and more stuff seemed to take up room in her apartment, but she insisted she'd find a place for everything we bought.

Stories About Her Life:

During our grocery shopping adventures, Shelley would tell me stories of her life.  I learned she was born in Letchworth, England (Hitchin District, Hertfordshire County) to Jessie Glen and Frank Callen.  She was an only child.  She told me her parents split up when she was young and she grew up in poverty.  She says that because she had so little as a child and teen that she began saving and collecting things.

At first she was a secretary, but her mother wanted her to become a nurse because nurses got to live in the Nurses' Home in London and a nurse's room and board was paid for by England's national health care system.  Her mother thought that would be a great option so Shelley could get out on her own.

I told Shelley about one of my favorite shows on Netflix, "Call the Midwife," and Shelley told me that she lived and worked in the East End of London just like the nurses in "Call the Midwife."

I really wanted Shelley to see "Call the Midwife" on PBS since I thought she would just love it, so I suggested I buy her a television, but she was very picky about what kind of television it would be, so we postponed that purchase. Also, there was no room in her living room to sit anyway.  I suggested we look for a couch but she said she had no desire to sit in the living room and watch TV and didn't want to entertain guests in her apartment.

I learned about a man who sort of adopted Shelley and Bobby who she called Uncle Roy.  Shelley told me that Uncle Roy taught her to drive  on the freeway and he was the one who drove her and Bobby to my wedding.

I learned about her best friend Nola Anne Wakeford Ortega (originally from England like Shelley) and another friend named Mary Burke.  Nola would have Shelley over often for Thanksgiving dinner and other celebrations.  Shelley told me that Nola now lives in an assisted living home in Mission Viejo and Nola's brother's name was Tim Wakeford.  Tim Wakeford still lives in England.

I learned about how she and Bobby ended up in Marina Del Rey.  I learned about all the men in her life and how a man named Rodell Garrett who she met in England had parents who sponsored her and brought her to the USA in the early 1960s.  She was supposed to marry Mr. Garrett, but she took too long to arrive and he ended up marrying someone else.

Rodell Garrett and Shelley

I learned about her two broken marriages: the first, in England, to Mr. Denis Arthur Johnson who she married when she was only 18 years old and the second in Chicago to a Mr. C. Dickinson Murfee.  Mr. Johnson's mother, Ida Handley-Matthews and the mother-in-law's second husband, Jack Handley-Matthews, kicked her out and Mr. Murfee and Shelley mutually decided to end their marriage.  Both marriages ended since she just didn't want to settle down.  She wanted to party, dance, and have fun.

This may be a photo of Shelley's children with her ex-husband's mother and ex-husband

Here are some scans from Shelley's young life.  I think the little boy may be her son and the baby she is holding below may be her daughter.  The women standing with her children above may be her husband's mother.

As you can see from the photos below, she was adored by several men!  

She said she left her children (Richard James  and Patricia Elaine) with her first husband and later tried to reconcile, but her mother-in-law would not allow her to be in contact with the children again and she eventually lost touch completely with them.  Shelley told me that her husband's mother picked the children's names and Shelley said her mother-in-law wanted her grandson's name to sound like a lawyer's name.
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Shelley told me that she did not want her children to ever know she had become a penniless bent over old woman with no teeth who lived in a senior apartment building near a downtown area surrounded by a hoard of worthless belongings.

When she was married to Mr. Murfee, she hated the frigid cold weather in Chicago and refused to stay there.

After being kicked out of her first husband's home, she worked as a waitress and lied about once being married to get the job.  In England at the time, married and divorced women were not always allowed to hold certain jobs.  The waitress job was at a hotel and included room and board.  Eventually, the hotel found out she had been married and she was fired.

Her second husband, Mr. Murfee, took her from NYC to Oregon and then to Chicago when she was 25 years old, and that is where she met a lady from Minneapolis who wanted her to meet her son Richard Williams.  Shelley told me Richard Williams was a "weird guy" so that relationship did not work for long.

More Photos of Shelley In Her Younger Days - She was a very "sexy" looking nurse!

Also through the lady in Minneapolis, she was introduced to Donald Dwayne Dyer.  Donald had been working for an aerospace project, but was hit by a car when crossing the street and became disabled and moved to California for treatment.  Shelley wanted to see California anyway, so he asked Shelley to accompany him there and take care of him, Shelley took up the offer.  She hated the midwest and that is how Shelley ended up in California.  She and Donald lived near the Norm's restaurant near Long Beach Blvd.

In Long Beach, she briefly worked at a doctor's office and a medical center near Memorial Hospital in Long Beach for urologists Dr. Donald Malcolm and Dr. John Dorsey.  Then she met another man and moved in with him in Lakewood and quit her job.  (Later we learned, when I helped Shelley apply for social security, that during Shelley's entire stay in the USA, she earned a total of only $3000 and she lived in our country for over 50 years!)

One day, she went to Cal State Long Beach to check on the nursing program and met my Uncle Bobby.  She told me she spent her last dime on a cup of coffee and was wondering how she would get back to Lakewood just as Bobby tapped her on the shoulder and introduced himself.  Bobby was friendly and sweet and offered to drive her home and after that they began seeing one another.

Shelley and Bobby In the 1970s

On a trip together to Los Angeles to visit as friend at one of the "hip" residential clubs in the 1960s, Shelley decided to move there and leave the guy she had been living with in Lakewood.  Bobby told her he'd move in with her rather than drive to Los Angeles to see her.  And that is how the two of them were together for 48 years!

Bobby and Shelley

Shredded Papers for Hours:

Notice the little scraps of paper on the floor underneath Shelley's "Hoard" - The entire apartment was always covered with scraps of paper since Shelley shredded papers for hours every day!

I helped Shelley pick out a vacuum cleaner which she very much needed since she spent much of her time cutting up and shredding papers and envelopes that my uncle had left in her care.  The shredded paper pieces were all over her apartment every time I entered.

"I promised Bobby that I would shred these," Shelley told me.

I thought spending hours every day shredding papers was a total waste of time and told Shelley my opinion on that, but she insisted on keeping all his papers to shred on her own until one day she gave in and gave me some of those outdated pieces of mail to discard.

Shelley - The Hoarder:

Shelley's Walk In Closet Shows a Bit of What Her Hoard Was Like

This is a photo of Shelley's Bedroom After It Was Cleared a Bit - Still a Hoard!

One day when I showed up to take her shopping I saw a piece of paper on her kitchen floor and when I tried to pick it up, Shelley told me a dead cockroach was underneath the paper!   I immediately told Shelley that cockroaches in her apartment were not acceptable.

This Is An Example Of How Full Shelley's Kitchen Was - Notice The Little Scraps of Paper All Over the Floor!  Shelley Shredded Papers for Hours Every Single Day - What a Waste of Time

During some of the grocery shopping trips, when I went into her apartment building to pick her up, I met the manager Tonoa and the night manager Karen, who lived on site.  That day, after the incident with the cockroach, I stopped in the apartment manager's office with Shelley before we went shopping and asked if anything could be done to rid her apartment of the cockroaches and was told that there was a deep cleaning service called The Help Cleaning run by someone named Denice who I could call to arrange cleaning for Shelley's place.  Tonoa told me that the management could and would not move her to another apartment in the building since Shelley's place was filled with about a hundred gift boxes that contained "who knows what."  (They were worried that cockroaches and bugs were in those boxes.)

Gigi Comes to Shelley's Aid:

Shelley and Gigi

I called Shelley regularly when I was away in Colorado.  We'd sometimes just talk, but other times she would tell me what she would need next time I was in Long Beach.

When I was away and at home in Colorado for a couple of months in 2016, I thought Shelley was okay, so I didn't make my usual calls to her for about two to three weeks.

When I finally did call, Shelley told me she had fallen when a heavy door at the convenience market next to the Senior Center knocked her down and that she had broken her hip and had surgery and had been in the hospital for two weeks!  It turned out, after that, that the hospital had assigned a volunteer named Gigi to Shelley to visit her and help her, and Shelley just loved Gigi and told me that she couldn't wait for me to meet Gigi.

Gigi was wonderful.  She, like me, took Shelley grocery shopping for the items on her childlike shopping list and Gigi even bought Shelley a TV and a nice wig to replace the worn out and matted up wig Shelley usually wore.  Gigi called her Jean, not Shelley.

I tried to teach Shelley how to use the self-service coin operated washers and dryers in her apartment building and got her rolls of quarters and laundry pods to do her laundry, but Shelley just couldn't get the hang of it, so she either washed all her clothes and towels and sheets by hand, or took them to a professional wash and fold when Gigi came to visit her.

My Dad, Marilyn, and Carolyn, May 2017- The Call Shelley and My Father's Cousin Had With Marilyn Made Marilyn Smile!

In May of 2017, my father and I took a trip to the San Diego area to see my father's cousin Marilyn and her son Harold and his wife Carolyn.  When we visited Marilyn, we called Shelley and the two women were delighted to talk to one another.  Carolyn even decided to send Shelley a watch after we all visited on the phone.  Later, Shelley asked me for Carolyn's address so she could mail her a thank you card.  I'm not sure if Shelley ever did send that thank you card, but it sure was nice for Shelley to connect with our extended family that knew and remembered my Uncle Bobby.

Shelley Never Smelled But Never Showered?

Karen and Tonoa inspected her apartment before Denice's The Help Cleaning Service came, and shortly after that inspection Karen called me and suggested that I get Shelley a bath seat so she could shower.  We learned later that in order to bathe, she just kind of did sponge baths since she was afraid to get in the tub or use the shower.  Once the bathroom was cleaned and we delivered the bath seat and a bath mat, my dad and I showed Shelley over and over how to run the shower, but I doubt she ever actually used the bath seat we brought her or showered.  Even though she did not shower, she did not smell.

The other bathroom's tub was piled with stuff which I asked The Help Cleaning Service to discard.

Time To Get Rid of "The Hoard":

After the apartment was deep cleaned, I called Shelley one day and told her I decided to "go in" and help her tackle her hoard.  She really did not want me to touch her things, but finally agreed to allow me and my dad to help.

On the day I came to tackle Shelley's hoard, I brought 10 large plastic storage containers and a huge package of large trash bags.

"Get those damn plastic containers out of here!" Shelley exclaimed, but I told her that they would help make some order of the chaos that was in her place.

As the day wore on, just like in the hoarder television reality shows, little by little trash left Shelley's apartment and the things she wanted to keep were neatly put in the storage containers and put in her extra bedroom's closet.  Her desk had been in the center of the room and was now at the window. and Shelley now had the office she wanted.  The living room had no couch, but I brought some folding outdoor camp chairs for my dad and I to sit on that day, and by the end of the day Shelley and I and my dad were able to sit in her living room around her coffee table and look at photo albums
together.

Shelley's Living Room After We Cleared It So We Could Sit In It - November 2017

During that day, Shelley, just like in the hoarder reality shows had snapped and even swore at me!

"Stay out of my bedroom!" Shelley shouted.  "It's off limits to you!  Dammit!"

As the day passed, Shelley would come in what was now her office and snatch things and hide them in her bedroom.

Anyway, I didn't get everything out of Shelley's hoarded apartment, but now we could walk around and the area leading to her bedroom was clear and there was room on her bed to sleep.  We vacuumed too and the place did look much better.

Shelley's "Office" - Cleaned Up

Shelley's Closet Organized 

New Kitchen Carpet Replaced Old Unsanitary Carpet in Shelley's Kitchen

It was right after this "ordeal" that we got to get together with Gigi for lunch at Polly's Pies in North Long Beach.  Shelley was delighted to see Gigi again.  It was a fun lunch even though Shelley told Gigi, right in front of me, that she didn't like how I had cleaned out her hoarded apartment and that hurt my feelings.

(Actually Shelley made me cry at Polly's.  I was hurt, but Gigi told me to just move on and that helped.  Gigi also told me that Jean a.k.a. Shelley, was so fortunate to have me and my dad in her life.)

Shelley's "Office" All Cleaned Up and Organized

I Suggested How to Spent the Day On Shelley's New Bulletin Board

My Dad and I Hung Up Shelley's Letter Holders For Her

My Uncle Bobby's Photo Hung Up In Shelley's Cleaned Apartment 

I remember Shelley telling my dad that she liked her desk being in the center of her "office" and didn't want it by the window, but we told her it looked nicer there and so she finally let us keep it by the window.  We also hung up some letter holders, a few photos of my Uncle Bobby, and bought her a new bulletin board.  The Help Cleaning service threw out some old unsanitary floor rugs and I bought her some new ones to replace the raggedy carpets when we went to Target together.  I was glad she was living in less of a hoard, but as time passed, I noticed the mess sort of came back which is typical for hoarders.

No Teeth:

As time went on, during our grocery shopping trips, Shelley told me that she needed to have some teeth so she could eat.  Apparently, all her teeth had fallen out.

First I took her to the Social Security Office to get Medicare and then once she successfully had Medicare Part B, I set up appointments not only to get her dentures, but to get her eyes checked and also get her a medical manicure.

Gigi took her to the medical manicure appointment.  We both learned that Shelley was unable to cut her toe nails, so her feet were in pain.  I remember Gigi texting me that Shelley felt so happy after getting that medical manicure.

Took Care of Shelley's Needs:

As time passed, I began paying Shelley's rent through auto-pay.  Earlier I had set up her phone bill and utilities to be paid via auto payment.  I got her out of jury duty.  I took care of paying what Medicare did not cover and arranged for her Medicare payments to be paid.

Karen and Tonoa arranged for Shelley to get hot meals delivered from the Senior Center for a time.  I was so appreciative of that.  I think Karen picked up the meal and delivered it to Shelley every day.  I also bought Shelley a punch card so she could eat at the Senior Center on her own, but I don't think she ever used it except when my dad and I accompanied her to meals there.

"Eating there feels like I am eating in a prison," said Shelley.  Actually, the Senior Center meals were very nice, but there were some very poor people and disabled people joining us at the table.

Shelley Enjoying a Meal at Long Beach Senior Center

I thought maybe if Shelley lived closer to Gigi or lived in a nicer place she'd be happier, so I took Shelley to see some other places to live in North Long Beach.  One of the places was a beautiful high rise retirement home where three meals a day were served to residents.

"I just don't see getting dressed every day and going downstairs to eat," Shelley told me.  I realized then that Shelley was used to days and days where she did not have to get dressed or see anyone.  Even when I came to take her shopping, I had to call her days in advance so she could prepare for my visit.

Gigi and I talked about it and we both agreed that Shelley liked the way she lived and we probably could not change her.

I did drop by once on Christmas Day with gifts and dropped in once in awhile to bring Shelley some Challah bread from the Katella Deli which was one of her favorite breads to eat.  My husband Dan and I also brought her a complete Thanksgiving Dinner from Boston Market.  I remember she told me how much she liked the pumpkin pie that came with that dinner!

I continued to call Shelley regularly. I remember calling her and talking for about an hour while I was skating outdoors in Sun Valley, Idaho during the summer of 2017 and she thought that was so very funny.

The Denture Adventure:

Getting her dentures took quite a bit of organizing on my part since multiple trips to the dentist were required.   I asked Gigi if she could take Shelley to some of the dentist appointments when I was away in Colorado, but she couldn't take her to all of them, so that is how my friend Rosie became involved with Shelley.

"I Have Teeth!"

Rosie was a friend who'd I'd known from skating in the 1980s who now lived in Long Beach's Belmont Shore.  She and I had reconnected and as I went through the few friends I knew in Long Beach, I thought perhaps I could pay Rosie to pick Shelley up and take her to the dentist.  Rosie was so busy, but worked it into her schedule to pick Shelley up.  Shelley really liked Rosie and Rosie told me that Shelley was so sweet.

Shelley Smiling With Her New Dentures In Her Mouth

Anyway, between me, Gigi, and Rosie, Shelley successfully finally did get her dentures, but then, it turned out she just couldn't quite get used to them and rarely wore them so she continued to eat soft foods or food that was cut up into small pieces and ate without teeth!

Shelley's Dentures

Marion Gets to Know Shelley:

Also on one of our shopping trips, my friend Marion was visiting me, so Marion got to know Shelley.  Marion had lived in my Grandma Fannie's house when Grandma was alive in the 1980s, so she remembered my Uncle Bobby well.  It was nice for Marion to get to know Shelley on our shopping outing.  She got Shelley to try Sushi and also suggested she buy the prepared whole hot chickens that were available in the deli, and after that Shelley always bought one of those chickens.  Marion told Shelley all about her Operation Christmas Child work, and that motivated Shelley to stop just thinking about herself and Shelley began to collect some things for Marion to put in her Operation Christmas Child boxes.

Marion told me if she lived closer to Shelley she would visit her regularly, but she would not visit her inside her hoarded stuffy apartment that smelled like cigarettes, but she'd visit in the community room in her apartment building.

I Became Overwhelmed With Shelley's Appointments:

After Shelley finally had her dentures, I went on to trying to tackle what was wrong with her eyes.  I set up a series of appointments with the eye doctor, and either Gigi or I took her to those appointments. 

My trips to Long Beach because of the dental and doctor appointments began to be taken over by Shelley's needs, so  when it was finally determined that she needed cataract surgery, I came up with the idea that maybe I should move Shelley to Colorado.  I thought she might have a happier life there and I also thought both me and my husband together could get her to doctor appointments too.  I would have to keep bothering Gigi or Rosie for rides to appointments.

Began Plans to Move Shelley to Colorado:

Shelley, to my surprise, was delighted with the idea of moving to Colorado, so I began looking for an apartment for her and to my delight, in February of 2018, I found a beautiful two bedroom two bathroom apartment in a senior building in Colorado.  The apartment had a beautiful view of the mountains and had two balconies.  And the rent was less than what she paid in Long Beach...only $1085 a month (the rent at Magnolia Manor was now $1250 a month).

I met with the apartment's management and they mailed a lease and background check to Shelley to fill out and I took care of paying the deposit on the apartment and we were told she could move there in June of 2018 which gave me time to make arrangements for Shelley's move.

Around late February, I called Rosie and asked if she'd consider accompanying Shelley on a plane to Colorado in late June.  I figured I'd get the apartment as ready as possible, so on the day Shelley would arrive, she'd just move right in.  I even planned to fill up her new kitchen with her favorite groceries.  Once Rosie agreed to accompany Shelley, I purchased plane tickets (that could be changed since I used Southwest Airlines) for the two of them to arrive at the Denver International Airport on June 23, 2018.

I told Shelley that I would help her pack, but suggested she begin doing some packing on her own.  I also ordered two large rolling suitcases from Amazon.com for Shelley to pack with the things she'd need when she first arrived in Colorado in case the rest of her things came after she arrived.

We decided together that I'd buy her a new bed and a new table and chairs.  She wanted to bring her bookcases, television, and her chests of drawers and desk.  She assured me that she'd give away some of her clothes, but I had my doubts.  I really did not want to move her "hoard" to Colorado.

As March and April and May passed, the excitement of the move to Colorado seemed to give Shelley so much hope.  My husband and I talked about how we would try to include Shelley in our family activities.  I told her that she should get rid of any raggedy and worn clothes.  The lease said that there was no smoking in the building or inside the apartments, so Shelley agreed to quit smoking.  It looked like the happy life I wished for her was about to happen.

Shelley Treasured These Wigs (Rosie Discarded Them By  the Way)

My daughter Rebekah and I took Shelley shopping in May of 2018 and helped her put tags on the luggage she would take on the plane.  The suitcases, which I ordered from Amazon.com, had not even been opened yet.  We knew that Shelley would probably not pack anything before her trip.  My son Joel never got to meet Shelley, but my daughter Annabelle got to meet Shelley on one of my many shopping trips.

Shelley holds up the pink dress she wore to my wedding in 1979 - She Saved Everything!

When Rebekah and I were at Shelley's apartment tagging her bags, Shelley proudly showed off two wigs that she'd saved for years and years.  She also showed me the pink dress she went to my wedding in.  Rebekah and I wondered how I would manage to rid of much of Shelley's hoard before the move.

Got Shelley's Colorado Apartment Ready:

June finally arrived and I went to the Colorado apartment's management office and obtained the keys and paid Shelley's rent.  The apartment was finally hers and it was beautiful!  I took my husband and kids to see the place and all of us decided it was "the most beautiful apartment we'd ever seen!"  I couldn't wait for Shelley's bed to be delivered.

Shelley's Beautiful New Apartment to Be in Colorado 

I ordered a beautiful wooden dining table and chair set and Rebekah (who had not left yet for her Disney On Ice tour) and Joel (who was on break) helped me put the table and chairs together.  Joel proudly put together nightstands.  Rebekah put together a futon couch and coffee table.  We bought her a Roku television to mount on the wall in her bedroom and I set up cable television and internet and phone service.  Rebekah also put together a little kitchen stand for Shelley to put her purse and keys on when she entered the apartment.

I also decided in addition to the futon couch, she needed a comfy chair to sit on, and Rebekah helped put the chair together.  The living room had a phone stand and new telephone and I bought a television stand for the television that Gigi gave her. 

I bought a beautiful set of sheets and pillows and comforter and made her bed.  I bought her new towels and and waste baskets.  Soft foaming soap was in each bathroom and there were cute boxes of tissue and paper towels in each bathroom.

The place looked so cute and wonderful.  We all couldn't wait for Shelley to arrive!

Logistics of Shelley's Move Planned:

Rosie (who now called Shelley "Aunt Shelley") and I talked about the logistics of her plane trip and move and we decided it would be best for Rosie to bring Shelley to Colorado on June 23 (which was a Saturday) and then after I got Shelley settled in, that Dan would keep an eye on her and my dad and I would then go to Long Beach and meet the movers at her apartment and then we'd fly back to help Shelley direct the movers.  I arranged a non-stop Southwest Airlines flight directly from the Long Beach airport to Denver for Shelley and Rosie.

Shelley Suddenly Became Sick:

None of those plans happened since on Sunday June 17, I called Shelley to tell her how excited I was, but instead she told me she could not talk and had to go back to bed since she was ill.  Her phone was attached to the wall in the kitchen and she told me she just could not stand up to talk so we said good-bye.  The next day I called again and the same thing happened.

"I have never been this sick in my life," Shelley said.  "I must lay down.  All I want to do is go back to bed."  I asked Shelley if I should call for an ambulance or get someone to take her to a doctor, but she refused.  "Let me get to Colorado and then we will figure out what to do."

On Tuesday and Wednesday, I called again....same response...BUT late on Wednesday night, Karen, Magnolia Manor's night manager called me and told me that she was about to call an ambulance, but I talked both Shelley and Karen into seeing if I could get Rosie to get her to the doctor.

Fortunately Rosie was free on Thursday morning June 21.  Rosie and Shelley first went to a local urgent care, but it was not open, so Rosie drove Shelley all the way to Newport Beach's Hoag Hospital's Emergency Room.  Rosie told me she knew that the best care was there.

Things happened fast.  Shelley's clothing and shoes had to be discarded.  It seemed she had not changed her clothes in days and her shoes were full of dirt.  It was awful.  Rosie told me she gasped at what she saw.

Shelley was admitted to Hoag Hospital and after many tests and seeing a good team of doctors the dreaded news came.  Shelley had a bowel obstruction and had colon cancer.  It was not certain yet if the cancer had spread.  Surgery was set up for Saturday, June 23 to remove a section of her colon, the same day Shelley and Rosie had been scheduled to fly to Colorado.  I canceled their plane flights.

While Shelley was in the hospital, Rosie asked me if she and her brother Michael could help tackle Shelley's hoarded apartment.  I had already arranged for Denice's The Help Cleaning to come in and throw away anything unsanitary and begin to clean the place, and I was delighted with Rosie's offer.

(Once, I had a nightmare that Shelley had died suddenly, and in that dream I remember being totally overwhelmed with the idea that I would be left with getting rid of all of Shelley's hoard.)

Just Some of the Trash Rosie and Michael Took Out of Shelley's Apartment

So...Rosie and Michael took on the hardest job ever.  Every single day, for about two weeks, they went to Shelley's apartment and threw away junk and packed up things they thought she'd want in Colorado. At the time, we all thought she would get well and move to Colorado, so we were preparing for the movers to come in late June and arrive in Colorado in early July.

Shelley had her surgery on June 23 and Rosie stayed at the hospital all day.  She called me at the end of the day and so did one of the doctors.  The cancer had been removed from her colon and a section of the colon had been removed.  The doctors were fairly sure that the cancer had spread, but the doctors thought she would be up and about in about a week and could make the trip to Colorado with Rosie.

On July 4, Shelley's "to be" apartment community in Colorado had a party, so our family decided to attend just so we could get to know Shelley's new neighbors.  We told everyone that my "adopted aunt" would be part of their community soon and was temporarily delayed on moving in since she suddenly had become ill.  Dan and Joel and I watched the fireworks from Shelley's beautiful balcony.  We hoped so much that Shelley would be well enough to enjoy her beautiful apartment soon.

Rosie met the movers at the Long Beach apartment about a week after the surgery.   They cleared out the once hoarded and full apartment and Dan and I and Joel and my dad met the movers on Saturday, July 8 in Colorado.

Rosie and her brother Michael had done an incredible job.  It didn't take long for the movers to move in the television Gigi had given Shelley, her best bookcase, her tall chest of drawers set, the Keurig coffee maker I had given her, her vacuum cleaner, and the microwave I had given her.  There were about 20 boxes that both Shelley and Rosie had packed which we put on the shelves we made for the storeroom that came with Shelley's apartment.  Also the large suitcases I bought Shelley were filled with some treasures which included photos of my uncle and Shelley.

I spent the next few weeks putting away the stuff that had been moved to Colorado and getting everything ready for Shelley to arrive.

The movers had tried to charge us extra, so Shelley's room dividers, desk, old coffee table, and long chest of drawers had stayed in Long Beach.  Rosie's brother Michael hauled those items to a donation center.  Wow, was I grateful to Rosie and Michael! They were true angels sent from above!  They did all the hard work and had cleaned up that horrible hoard.

Shelley just stayed at Hoag hospital, and would not get out of bed.  Gigi visited her and took the cutest photo of her holding a stuffed bear that Shelley named Dudley.  From the photo that Gigi sent me, Shelley looked so good, and so I believed she would soon get better.

Talking to Dudley at Hoag Hospital - Photo by Gigi

I asked my dear friends Marion and Bruce to visit Shelley, so they flew to Orange County for a day just to see how she really was and to tell me if they thought she could make the move to Colorado.  They called me and informed me that she looks very weak and frail.  Marion told me she showed her photos of the beautiful apartment in Colorado I had ready for her, and she wanted so much to go there.

"Jo Ann, her life is over," said Bruce.  I realized then I needed to get to California as soon as I could.

Visited Shelley at Hoag Hospital:

Visiting Shelley at Hoag Hospital - July 2018

At the end of July of 2018, I finally was able to make the trip from Colorado to California and the first thing I did when I got off the plane was see Shelley at Hoag hospital with my husband Dan and my dad and Dan's brother Mike.  We returned a few more times and bought her a pair of shoes, but she told me that she didn't like the shoes I brought her and insisted on Reeboks or Nikes.  She only wanted name brand shoes!  I thought perhaps if she had shoes that she would consider trying to walk, but she would not get out of bed.

Rosie's brother Michael and Karen from Magnolia Manor also visited her at Hoag and I think Rosie's friend Don also met Shelley when she was at Hoag Hospital.

Michael and Shelley at the Hoag Hospital Cafeteria - Shelley really wanted to go to the Cafeteria!

Karen and Shelley at the Hoag Hospital Cafeteria - Shelley Got Out of Bed Just to Go to the Cafeteria!

Gigi told me that Shelley adored her beloved stuffed bear Dudley that had been given to her at Hoag.

Dudley

Gigi's Gifts Brought to Hoag and the Watch I Bought Shelley

While Dan stayed with my dad in California, I visited my daughter Rebekah who was performing with Disney On Ice in Japan and I even called Shelley from Japan. When I told her I climbed Mt. Fuji with Rebekah, she insisted I bring her a photo to the hospital when I returned.

Shelley Moves to Royal Care Skilled Nursing:

Because she was not walking or using the toilet, we were told that the only option was to move her to a skilled nursing facility since she was no longer sick.  Once she was moved to Royal Care Skilled Nursing in Long Beach, we expected with physical therapy she would walk again and eventually make the trip to Colorado, but that never happened.

I gave notice to Magnolia Manor and my dad and I did the last check that all was cleared out of Shelley's apartment in Long Beach.  Then, we met with Karen and turned in the keys.  Karen took a photo of me and my dad in front of Shelley's door and we said good-bye to Magnolia Manor.

Good Bye to Apartment 306 at Magnolia Manor

Our visits to Long Beach no longer included trips to take Shelley grocery shopping.  Instead, our visits included visits to the nursing home.  Shelley would not get out of bed, but in time the Royal Care staff was able to get her into a wheelchair and bathe her and get her dressed every day.

Smiling After Shelley Finds Out She Can Move Her Wheelchair Around Nursing Home On Her Own!

I taught her how to move around the facility on her own in the wheelchair.  I continued to bring her books.  I was there when the physical therapists got her to walk a bit with a walker.

Ramil, Royal Care's Activities Director, arranged a holiday party at the end of 2018, and I brought presents for Shelley to put under the tree.  Rosie came to the party.  Below is a photo of Rosie, Shelley, Santa, and Ramil.

My dad and Shelley Smile With the Stuffed Animals I Gave Her in 2018

I also called Shelley as much as I could.  I tried to call her every week and we had wonderful visits on the phone.  Sometimes it was difficult to get through to her since one cordless phone was used on her side of the facility for patients to talk to their families, but I was always persistent and eventually got through.  I'd tell Shelley about my travels and adventures and my husband and father and kids.  We'd talk about Rosie too.

I'd ask her if she'd seen Gigi who was very busy, but once in a while saw her.  When Gigi visited, she would shower Shelley with gifts.  Below is a card she brought Shelley.

We noticed that Shelley was not eating much.  Gigi brought her a package of the Reeses and Kit Kats combine candies, but Shelley told me to take them to Colorado so they'd be ready for her in her new apartment.  She told me she just didn't eat much except a little bit of food that was put on her tray.  She was sure that the nursing home "did something to the food" and told me that her appetite had dwindled because of that.  At Rosie's and my request, the nursing home began bringing her Ensure which she liked, but I don't think drank much of.

She would not wear her dentures at the nursing home since she said it was just too much of a hassle to care for them there.


One day, during one of our long phone calls, Shelley told me that they had forcibly cut her hair.  She was very upset.  You see, Shelley's hair, we discovered when she entered Hoag hospital was in a long matted braid.  Rosie and Karen asked if either one of them could help her cut and style it, but she refused.  I knew the long braid had to go, but Shelley wouldn't let anyone touch her hair so I bought her a comb that she said she would use to untangle the mat.  I guess that didn't happen.  The facility, when they dressed her made her look so cute though and put on a little black hat under the newly cut hair.

By the way, because Shelley rarely was outside, she had no wrinkles!  Her skin was in beautiful shape for someone who was 82 years old.

When I determined that Shelley would probably never make it to live in the beautiful Colorado apartment, I gave notice to the management. I told Shelley I would find her another apartment if she got better, but I knew inside she would not leave Royal Care.  It was sad to go through each of the boxes she and Rosie had packed and take her things to Goodwill.  I gave away her bookshelves and dressers.  The bed and bedding and end tables and dining table and chairs and futon couch and chair and coffee table became new pieces in our family's condo in Colorado.  The television Gigi gave her is now in my basement and will always remind me of Shelley.  The photo memories are in a "Shelley and Uncle Bobby Memory Box."

My Husband Dan, Shelley, and My Dad 

But...even though we had been told Shelley will live only two to three months, Shelley just kept living.  She told me that she was rarely trying to walk and never used the toilet (which meant she was using diapers and being changed by the nursing home staff).  We enjoyed our long phone calls and during every call, I encouraged her to try to walk if offered a chance by the physical therapists.  I encouraged her to agree to get dressed every day and participate in the activities at the home.  She told me she would try.

What I know she did was read.  Rosie told me she was now safe and clean and free from her hoarded apartment and happy, so I told Shelley I was glad she was safe and taken care of.

Shelley's Last Days and Death:

When I last saw her on June 3, I had no idea it would be the last time I would see her alive.  She smiled and was so happy we visited.

Apparently, as that week passed, the cold I thought Shelley was getting became worse.  By Friday, she was still alert and aware, and when an ambulance arrived to take her to the hospital, she declined and signed consent to go DNR.

Shelley's Last Night Alive at Royal Care 6/8/19 - Photo by Rosie

On Saturday, Rosie was called and was told Shelley was really sick and was made aware of the DNR status.  Rosie visited Shelley for hours that day, but was told visiting hours were over at 8 pm.  I couldn't get the Royal Care before 8 pm, so Dan and I and my dad decided to see Shelley first thing Sunday morning.  Sadly, Shelley died before we could get there at 4 am Sunday morning, June 9, 2019.

After Shelley passed, it was not an easy task to get her remains to Forest Lawn in Long Beach where the crypt she would share with my Uncle Bobby was.  My husband Dan and I had to take two trips to the Los Angeles County court for the body to be released to me.  After that, Forest Lawn was able to move her body from the Los Angeles Morgue to their facility.  Shelley now will rest in peace next to my Uncle Bobby.

I do believe with my whole heart that Shelley died knowing she was loved by me and the few others that came into her life during her last days.  Rosie, Karen, my dad, Dan and I, and Dan's brother Mike and my friend Marion (via phone) gathered together in our family's Long Beach condo to celebrate Shelley's (aka Jean's) life on Friday, June 14, 2019.  Karen made it possible for me to print out a photo of Shelley looking her best during her final months at Royal Care.

Dan's Brother Mike With Shelley and Dudley

Karen With Shelley and Dudley

My Husband Dan With Shelley and Dudley

Beloved Dudley

Dudley and my Dad

Rosie and Dudley

We all held the photo and took a photo with "Shelley" and her beloved Dudley stuffed bear.  We wished Gigi could have been there with us.  We looked at what was left of Shelley's treasured hoard.

 (I gave most of it to Karen that day to give to the elderly residents at Magnolia Manor.)  We found her beloved and missing magnifying glass which I will keep in Long Beach to remember Shelley.  Rosie will give Dudley a place in her home and I will keep the stuffed animals I gave Shelley in Long Beach.  The comb I gave her, I washed and I will use and think of Shelley every time I comb my hair.

I gave Forest Lawn some of Shelley's favorite clothes to be placed in her casket.  Included were her wig, the one that Gigi gave her, and the dentures that Rosie, Gigi, and I worked so hard to get for her.  I even drove back to the mortuary a second time and gave them her glasses.  I thought, "Shelley you need your glasses!"

Shelley's Reeboks, Hat, Wig, Dentures

The Jacket Gigi Gave Shelley Will Go With Her In Her Coffin and the Slippers Gigi Gave Her Were Donated to Someone Who Could Use Them at Magnolia Manner

Shelley's Dentures

"Shelley, you need your glasses! RIP :)"

The plague on the crypt will say:

"SHELLEY"
Jean Elizabeth Callen Johnson
Special Friend and Companion
December 26, 1930 -- June 9, 2019

As I finish this blog post I think of the song from the Disney film Coco, "Remember Me."  The idea of the song is that if someone alive on earth remembers you, you are always alive in the hearts of those on earth.  Shelley, thank you for being a part of my life and touching me.  Thank you for giving me a chance to love you. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of "saving your life" and perhaps "saving the world."

Thank you Shelley A.K.A. Jean for touching a few other people's lives including my Uncle Bobby's life, my dad's life, my husband Dan's life, and my daughters Rebekah's and Annabelle's life and for touching my son Joel when he proudly put together furniture for the apartment you never got to live in in Colorado.  Thank you for talking on the phone to my father's cousin Marilyn and her daughter-in-law Carolyn before Marilyn's passing...you made Marilyn smile!  I also thank you for allowing Gigi and Rosie and Karen into your life.  Thank you for the people at Royal Care who cared for you at the end of your life.  I am so glad my dear friends Marion and Bruce met you and and that Dan's brother met you and thank you that Rosie's brother and Rosie's friend Don met you too.

Rest In Peace, Shelley AKA Jean or Jill or Elaine or Sylvia or Whoever You Want to Be! :)

Shelley (AKA Jean) - March 2019