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| My dad sitting in his Colorado home’s living room on Friday 11/26/2021 |
On Wednesday, November 17, 2021, I was recovering from a bad cold. I didn’t want my father to miss seeing my sister Lynnellen on the last day we were going to be in Long Beach (we’d been there since October 20 and were returning to Colorado), so I asked my son Joel to take him over to her house.
I noticed he might have caught my cold, but I just wanted him to see my sister so much, so I just went ahead and had him go to see Lynnellen.
That was my mistake.
Daddy went to Lynnellen’s house from 1:30 pm to 4 pm. While he was there, I slowly packed for our trip back to Colorado although I was so, so sick.
Joel picked his Grandpa up at 4 pm. When he arrived, Lynnellen took Joel’s phone from him and ordered me to take my dad to Urgent Care. She said she thought he wasn’t breathing right and she thought he had a cold.
I told her I would take him to Urgent Care, but I didn’t know how I could possibly do it. I was just so, so sick.
So instead, I called Optum Urgent Care in Long Beach, told them I was sick, and told them I thought my 92 year old dad probably had my cold. I asked for their advice.
They told me that if he went to Urgent Care, he’d have to wait outside and I couldn’t come since I was sick.
They suggested I let him take a nap and and if he was still sick after the nap, to let them know. They also contacted his doctor in Colorado for advice.
So….Daddy took a nice two hour nap. When he woke up, it was if his illness was gone. He ate a huge dinner that I prepared for him (shrimp and noodles, and had an ice cream dessert and chocolate candy). He then sat in front of the TV and went to bed. It was like he never was sick.
The next day everyone was well …me too! We had a nice day of travel back to Colorado on Thursday 11/18.
Friday, 11/19, was a wonderful day. We let Daddy sleep in and once he woke up in the early afternoon, he ate a good breakfast (Matzah and Eggs) and carried his coffee into the living room to watch TV. He happily watched Turner Classic Movies all afternoon.
At 5 pm, I found him napping on his bed fully clothed. When I woke him up, I discovered he’d wet the bed, which never ever had happened. After I got him cleaned up and showered and dressed and after I cleaned up his bedding, I took him into the living room to watch TV again while I was about to make dinner.
All seemed okay.
At 7 pm, after my husband Dan and my daughter’s boyfriend Ben were back in his home, all of a sudden, in front of all of us, my dad had what we thought was a seizure!
Dan immediately called 911!
The paramedics arrived quickly and took him to the ER at Castle Rock Adventist Hospital. Annabelle, Ben, Dan, and I quickly followed.
After he was admitted to the ER, I got to see him briefly, but then was told he would be having a lot of tests and to go home and wait. (Due to COVID protocols, we were advised to leave the hospital.)
Around midnight I received a call. My dad had a heart blockage! I was told that decisions on what to do would be made on Saturday.
We arrived at the hospital intensive care early Saturday morning and the nurse was glad we were there since my dad was extremely agitated. He’d been agitated all night. He was tied down since he wanted to get up and get out of that hospital bed. He kept asking us for scissors or a knife to cut the restraints that tied him down! He kept screaming out. It was hard to see him in that state.
My sister in law Amy came and tried to keep him company when we could not handle seeing him so agitated. It was horrible. My dad was turning into a creature we could not recognize because of being in the hospital!
That night, I got a call that it was decided that a micra pacemaker would be planted in my father’s body to make his heart work right again on Sunday morning. He would be moved to a hospital in Denver that evening, but due to some complications, moving my dad was delayed.
Sunday morning, around 8 am, Daddy was moved to Porter Adventist Hospital in Denver. I was told he’d only slept 30 minutes in the past two days! The agitation had increased and increased. We were more concerned about the agitation and delirium than we were about his heart at that point.
The micra pacemaker procedure, which took place around 9 am, was successful. All went smoothly and the heart doctor was pleased at how easy it was and how it went. I was told my dad would wake up in about an hour and I could see him. I was told the delirium would probably be over once he saw me.
When I entered his hospital room I looked forward to see him awake and I looked so forward to talking to him. I assumed my presence there would stop the agitation.
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| The volunteer Stephanie held my father’s hand all day and kept him still after the micra pacemaker procedure |
What happened instead was the opposite: my father would not wake up. A volunteer named Stephanie held his hand all day long and made sure he didn’t move since it was essential for the micra pacemaker.
I was sad, but I assumed he’d wake up the next day. I was told he’d probably be going home from the hospital either Monday or Tuesday.
On Monday, November 22, I called the hospital in the morning to get information on my father, but was told his nurse was busy. I called and called almost every hour, but was not given any information. Just before 1:00 pm, I finally received a call from a very uncaring nurse. She had very little to tell me. It was so frustrating.
Porter Adventist Hospital allowed only one visitor in a 24 hour period, so, since I had not visited my dad yet, my brother came to visit my dad starting about 3 pm and stayed until 6 pm. What he saw was very, very upsetting. My dad was totally agitated again and hardly recognized him. Billy suggested I do the visiting the next day. He thought my presence might calm our father down. My brother didn’t think there was any possibility he could be discharged.
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| Daddy looks awake in this photo, but actually he was only able to look alert for me just to snap this photo on Tuesday, 11/23/2021 |
So…on Tuesday, November 23, I went to the hospital with the full intention of getting my father discharged from the hospital. I was convinced that once he got home, now that the micra pacemaker was working and doing its job, that he’d return to being his “normal” self.
Well…that didn’t happen. Instead, my father would not open his eyes. He repeated everything I said like he was a parrot. He was taken off the catheter and was moved to a chair. I was told once he could use the restroom on his own and eat something he would be allowed to leave the hospital, but it was impossible to get him to do that. I was so, so discouraged. The doctor and nurses suggested we wait until the next day to decide how to proceed. I left the hospital in tears.
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| This is the way my dad looked when I left the hospital on Tuesday 11/23/2021 |
On Wednesday, November 24, I received a call from a social worker around 11 telling me he’d have to be moved to skilled nursing since he’d been given a release by the cardiologist to be discharged. I asked the social worker about a home hospice option, and once I asked that, the ball got rolling to get him discharged.
I went to the hospital with some clothes for my dad to wear. I was excited. My father was coming home!
It took a few hours, but around 3 pm, my dad and I drove away from Porter Adventist Hospital and headed for his home in Larkspur. When we arrived at about 4:15 pm, my dad got out of the car and walked up the steps in the garage and went right into the house. He watched a little TV, met the nurse Cherisse, drank some lemonade, ate some food, watched more TV, and then happily went to sleep in his own bed.
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| Back sleeping peacefully in his own bed Wednesday evening 11/24/2021 |
We all felt so much peace seeing him sleep in his own bed. We really believed all would be okay and things would get better.
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| Thanksgiving morning |
On Thanksgiving morning, Thursday, November 25, 2021, it seemed like we had so much to be thankful for! Daddy was dressed and ready to eat breakfast by 10 am. I called my brother Billy and told him to hurry and get over since I didn’t thing Daddy would stay awake and alert for long. Our friends, Bernice Davis and her sons David and Simi and their friend Bobby came shortly after. We all had a wonderful time visiting in the kitchen.
Billy arrived around 11:15, but by then, my dad was already exhausted, so Billy didn’t get to see him the way Dan and I, Annabelle and Ben, and Joel, and Bernice and her family saw him. My dad sort of recognized Billy. We helped him walk to the living room as he rested in a chair by the television.
I took an afternoon bike ride while Dan and the kids kept an eye on my Dad. When I returned, we put our Thanksgiving meal together and were so glad to have Daddy sit at his usual place at the dining room table. He was very sleepy, but did eat a little.
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| Thanksgiving Dinner! |
After dinner, he returned to the TV. Ben’s parents came to visit and talked with my dad It just seemed a miracle had occurred. We believed he’d just get better and better.
Over the weekend, Daddy did get better and better! He ate good meals and got stronger and stronger. We were all so happy. It really seemed that life would return to normal.
On Sunday, 11/28/2021, Dan and I even went to Denver to get together with our friend Karen. My son Joel kept an eye on his Grandpa while we went to Denver. At 4 pm, our friend Marina came over. After a short walk, we all sat at the dining room table and ate the chinese food Marina brought us. Daddy didn’t eat much, but enjoyed his dinner and the company.
Monday 11/29/2021, seemed like a very usual day. Daddy was loving being with his family. The hospice nurse didn’t even come since she got tied up with other patients, but the CNA (certified nursing assistant) Ben, came around noon. My dad fought with Ben about getting up and didn’t want assistance, but I asked him to be polite, so we took some of the help Ben had to give.
At that point, my dad certainly did not seem like he was a hospice patient.
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| Happily eating chicken, rice, carrots, and corn on the cob at Black Eyed Pea |
Tuesday, November 30, 2021, was a day of celebration for my husband Dan. He retired after working for the Department of Veterans Affairs since 1980. Daddy insisted on us all going out to dinner to celebrate! We went to the Black Eyed Pea. Daddy was so happy to be there and enjoyed a chicken breast dinner. I was surprised that he didn’t eat all of his corn on the cob, which was usually one of his favorite foods. (He seemed to have forgotten how to eat corn on the cob and tried cutting it off the cob. I helped him remember how to eat it and he did eat about half of it.)
After dinner, I stopped at Walmart to buy some pillow protectors for his pillows and ran into our good friend Sharon Mancini. After Sharon and I visited a bit, Sharon came out to the car and got to see my dad. He had a nice conversation with her too. All seemed good.
When we got home, he enjoyed some ice cream, watched more TV, and then went to bed. (Earlier that afternoon, the social worker, Kellyn Roita, paid us a visit. She left us with a lot of useful information and sources.)
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| Enjoying looking at the menu at Guadalajara |
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| Smiling at the Guadalajara Restaurant 12/1/2021 |
Wednesday, December 1, was a very nice day. My son Joel had a lesson in Monument on how to do a back flip on skates. Dan kept an eye on my dad and let him sleep in while Joel and I were in Monument. When I got back the nurse, Cherisse Johnson, came and so did Ben, the CNA. We met the hospice chaplain, Peggy Auten, at 4 pm. She blessed my father with a traditional Hebrew blessing beginning with “May God Bless you and keep you…”. After that, we headed out to dinner. I still remember Daddy saying, “Jo Ann, let’s go out to dinner. I really want to go out. It will be so fun.”
We headed to the Guadalajuara Mexican Restaurant in Castle Rock. Daddy was a bit slower than usual when we walked in and got seated, but he seemed just fine and happy to eat out. We ordered him a child’s enchilada plate. He enjoyed some chips before we ate. He ate most of his dinner and drank some of his water with a straw. At the end of the meal, he spilled some of the water.
When we returned home, he was tired and went straight to bed.
Thursday, December 2, was not as good. Daddy slept most of the day. He was hostile when we tried to get him. He seemed to be in some sort of pain. He even hit me and my son Joel! When he finally did get him up and dressed, he was very sleepy, but wanted to go out to breakfast. Dan took him to Monument to Rosie’s Diner, but he was so sleepy, that Dan couldn’t get him out of the car. I took a break that afternoon and went bike riding when Dan and Daddy went to Monument. When Dan called me and told me that Daddy wouldn’t wake up, I suggested he bring Daddy home and we would try to take him out to dinner instead. Maybe my presence would help? It was late afternoon by then.
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| Last meal out at Parry’s Pizza 12/2/2021 |
We decided to head to Parry’s in Castle Rock since there we could order chicken wings, salad, and pizza. We figured Daddy would eat just a little bit, but something there.
Daddy did just that although he was very sleepy through dinner. After he spilled his water the night before, we placed his water slightly away from him during that meal. We noticed, as he ate, that he was reaching for things that weren’t there. It was a cause for some concern. Daddy got up suddenly and wanted to use the bathroom, so Dan helped him find the restroom in the restaurant and we then took him straight to the car while I paid the bill.
Once we got him home, we helped him get straight to bed.
On Friday, December 3, things began to change for the worse. Daddy was acting agitated and confused. He kicked me in the chest when I tried to get him out of bed to help him get dressed. It seemed he was having delusions. He thought the television cabinet was the bathroom. He seemed to be grabbing things that were not there. He broke the toilet tank cover in his bathroom. It was scary.
I stepped into the kitchen for a moment with the intention of calling the hospice nurse and Joel and Annabelle tried to calm him down. The kids shouted that they thought Grandpa had a seizure. I made the call to New Century Hospice. About 10 minutes later, Kimberly, a nurse on call, called and said she would be over as soon as possible.
When Kimberly arrived, Daddy was sitting on the edge of his bed still in an agitated state. Kimberly prescribed him all sorts of medicines to calm the agitation and psychotic delusional behavior. She prescribed morphine for the pain. She told us that from now on, we needed to make sure he was wearing adult pull ups. She provided pads for the bed and some cleaning wipes and other things to help keep him clean.
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| Finally getting some rest on Friday 12/3/2021 |
The medicines did calm him, but not completely. He wandered into the den closet in the afternoon looking for his bedroom. Friday evening, we found him at the bottom of the stairs. With Ben’s help, we got him back to bed. After everyone went to sleep, we heard a thud, and found him on the floor next to his bed. Annabelle and Ben spent the night in his room after that taking turns watching him since we were so concerned he’d get hurt.
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| My husband Dan helping my dad after the nurse Kimberly came on Friday, December 3, 2021 |
Unfortunately, Dan became ill. He was sick all night Friday and all day Saturday December 4th. He was dizzy with vertigo and also nauseated. Dan was unable to help.
On Saturday, December 4th, my brother Billy came over in the afternoon to see what was going on. He found my dad quietly sleeping. In the late afternoon, a hospital bed, bedside commode, a bedside table, a small wheelchair, a bed alarm, and oxygen arrived. Billy wanted us to just let him sleep when the equipment arrived, but we were all anxious to get some rest since moving him to the hospital bed meant there were rails on the bed to keep him from getting out of the bed. Billy left at that point.
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| Helping Grandpa Walk Friday, December 3, 2021 |
On Sunday, December 5th, Daddy slept most of the day and peacefully, but we got him out of bed and into the wheelchair a bit. We helped him shave and brush his teeth. We noticed he was no longer really eating or drinking, but we tried to give him some food.
His voice began to change. We could barely understand what he was saying. Sometimes he would say, “Help me! Help me!”
Other times he would say our names. He still knew who we were.
Annabelle and I took a break Sunday morning and went into Castle Rock to buy some bagels. We even hiked up this staircase (like the incline in Manitou) in Castle Rock. While we were hiking, my brother called me, interrupted my break and hike, and insisted on getting the information from me for the death certificate since Kimberly, the nurse on call, had said my dad only had three to five days to live. That was so hard to do!
Our friends Larisa and Larry Gendernalik came to visit around 1:30 or 2 pm. They brought beautiful flowers.
Billy came to visit while Daddy was sleeping late Sunday afternoon while Annabelle and I were keeping an eye on my dad while we watched TV while laying on the big queen bed in his room. Daddy did not stir. Billy was sad to not be able to interact with Daddy and left after about an hour.
Now that there was an extra bed in his room, Dan and I decided to sleep in his room each night to keep watch. Annabelle and Ben took on the duty some nights and so did Joel.
On Monday, December 6, after the nurse Cherisse came, we received som positive news:
We were told instead of having only three to five days to live, it looked like my dad might live four to six more weeks. That was because he was drinking a little bit. Daddy sat in the hospice wheelchair (strapped in) for long stretches and watched TV. He sort of seemed like himself, but not quite.
Billy told me he didn’t think it was a good idea to take Daddy out to dinner or anything because that could possibly tire him.
The nurse told us that he had advanced to the last stage of Alzheimer’s very quickly. “This” had nothing to do with his heart. His body was shutting down.
When the CNA Ben came, he tried to get Daddy in the shower, but decided it was not going to work since he could no longer sit up without assistance, so he sponge bathed him in the wheelchair. He brought us more pads, wipes, pull ups, and cleaning supplies including sponges and mouthwash to help clean his teeth and mouth. He suggested we use an electric razor to shave him.
We think his last bowel movement might have been on Monday, December 6.
On Tuesday, December 7, we got my dad in the wheelchair and took him into the kitchen in the morning. He joined me as I logged in to Temple Shalom’s (Colorado Springs) Tuesday morning Torah study via Zoom. He even was able to say hello to the rabbi after the study.
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| Sal Mancini sings for my dad |
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| Clapping for Sal Mancini |
Our friends Sharon and Sal Mancini came Tuesday afternoon for a visit. Sal played his guitar and sang beautiful folk songs for my dad. My dad even clapped in gratitude after Sal sang. The whole afternoon was so wonderful and we felt so loved. Sharon mentioned that no more eating or drinking did mean that he would not last much longer.
On Wednesday, December 8, when Ben, the CNA came, he could no longer clean up my dad in a wheelchair, so he showed us how to change and bathe him in bed. He brought some adult diapers, but we never got the hang of using them, so we just kept putting my dad in pull ups.
Thursday, December 9 was similar to Wednesday, the 8th. We continued to get Daddy into a wheelchair a bit. We had him join us in the kitchen for the Zoom Tanach study on Thursday morning.
Daddy even got to be with all of us at the dining room table the last night of Chanukah!
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| Last night of Chanukah 12/5/2021 |
On Friday, December 10, Dan and I tried to change and clean up my dad on our own, but his body was now becoming a dead weight. Dan couldn’t get him back into the wheelchair, so Ben told us, after getting my dad into bed for the last time, that we could no longer transfer him back and forth from the bed to the wheelchair That meant he was completely bed-bound from that point on.
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| Daddy’s last smile - During Temple Israel’s Shabbat Service 12/10/2021 |
Friday night, together, we all went to Temple Israel Zoom Shabbat Service. I took a photo of my dad smiling for the last time. We held hands with him and sang the closing song, Salaam Od Yavo Shalom Aleinu, together. We talked to my dad throughout the service and it seemed he enjoyed the service.
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| Joining my dad in his home hospice bedroom watching Temple Israel Long Beach’s Shabbat Service 12/10/2021 |
Dan and I slept in the bed next to him as usual that night.
On Saturday, December 11, after cleaning my dad up, I took Dan to the Denver airport. Dan was going to Long Beach to see his 97 year old mom. Annabelle and Ben and Joel watched my dad, but he just slept the entire day.
Sunday, December 12, was not all that different than Saturday. Daddy just slept peacefully. I slept right next to him and checked if he was breathing each hour. His mouth was open and he was breathing steadily but hard. At 3 am, I woke Annabelle up and asked for help to give my dad some oxygen. He breathed better the rest of the night as Annabelle and I slept by his side.
Monday morning, December 13, began early since we had to get the trash taken out to the street by 7 am. After that, we all got dressed. We had a plan for the day since our neighbor, Rachel, was coming at 9:30 am to watch my dad while the rest of us got a deserved break and planned to leave the house for a few hours.
At 8:30 am, Joel, Annabelle, Ben, and I, cleaned up my dad. Ben saw bedsores on him, so we turned him on his side. I shaved him, brushed his teeth, put chapstick on his lips, and cleaned him. I gave him kisses. The oxygen was still working and he was breathing just fine, but not as easily as he was propped up facing forward in the bed. His breathing seemed quieter to me.
At 9 am we tried to make the trash pick up and get in the extra bag of trash from cleaning him up to the large trash bins, but the trash had already been taken. Annabelle and I brought the trash bins back to the house.
At 9:15 am I checked again that my dad was breathing okay and I wrote the nurse a text explaining that someone other than family would be at the house watching him all morning.
As I wrote the text, we all ate some bagels and then Joel went in his room at 9:30 am to say good bye for the day, but…
Joel noticed Grandpa was no longer breathing! We all checked and then Ben checked his pulse and said he didn’t think there was one.
Rachel, the neighbor arrived just at that time.
I called New Century Hospice.
The rest of the morning was a blur.
Nurse Cherisse Johnson arrived. Peggy, the hospice chaplain arrived. My brother and his wife arrived.
I contacted Temple Israel on what to do about the Zoom study I was supposed to facilitate in an hour. It was decided I’d open up the Zoom room and make my husband Dan who was in Long Beach and someone else facilitators so I could deal with the sudden loss of my dad.
As the hospice personnel took care of the details of what to do next, we spent some time visiting my dad at bedside. We cried off and on.
Ben had to leave for religious reasons since he is a Cohen and can’t be in a home with a Jewish dead body.
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| He was dressed in this orange shirt and brown pants before he was taken out of his house |
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| Daddy was wearing his favorite Long Beach shirt when he died |
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| This is the way the people who took my dad’s body, left his bed - that was so moving and special |
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