Here’s a timeline of all that has occurred since my father’s death on December 13, 2021

Here’s a timeline of all that has occurred since my father’s death on December 13, 2021:

December 13–15, 2021:  After my father’s body was taken by the mortuary, my family was given a couple days to mourn, but….

December 15, 2021:  My brother calls and discusses which one of us should pay car insurance on my father’s cars.  I learn that the homes he owns where I took care of him (his Long Beach condo and his Colorado home) will have to be sold.  I am told by my brother that there is no hurry to get our personal belongings out of his homes.  

December 16, 2021:  I find the titles to the cars.  I have inherited all the cars since my father signed rights of survivorship to me.  We did that so it would be easier for me to get the insurance cards and registrations in his cars.  I am told by my brother I had been sneaky to do that.  

December 21, 2022:  Zoom memorial service for my father is held.

Late December:  I am told by my brother William Schneider  that the will names me and him and my sister Lynnellen Schneider as trustees to the estate.  I am asked to sign over my rights as trustee and am told that by law that if I sign over those rights my brother is required to be totally transparent and tell me every detail in the estate process.  (I sign over my rights.  That has not occurred!)

December 25, 2021:  My brother and his family celebrate the Christmas holiday in New York City.  I feel that their trip is quite inappropriate during this time of mourning and they should not have announced it all over Facebook.

Also in late December, Dan and begin to move our personal things out of the Larkspur house.

I learn that my father will be put to rest with my mom in the Rose of Sharon Jewish section of Forest Lawn in Long Beach.  At first I did not want to go since I am told all that will happen is my sister will be present, but change my mind since I realized it will probably be the last time my brother, sister, and I will be together.  When I ask my sister about staying in my father’s Long Beach condo and attending, I am told she doesn’t want me there, so I tell my brother I will not attend.

Text messages get exchanged in December and January between my brother and sister and me.  Although my brother told me I could write up what would be on the gravestone, my sister doesn’t approve of what I came up with.  Eventually, my brother decides to just mirror what was on my mother’s plaque.  The entire memory of us not agreeing about what should be on my father’s gravestone is so very painful and sad since I was attacked for wanting my dad to be remembered correctly.

The text messages between me and my brother and sister become more and more painful, so by the end of January 2022, I decided to stop using text communication with them.  My sister has not spoken to me on the phone since before my father died!  She continues to refuse to speak with me.  I have tried to reach out, but no response.  

On January 20, 2022, my father’s body is placed in the crypt at Forest Lawn in Long Beach with my mother.  We learn after the ceremony, that it was a full on graveside funeral! There were flowers.  Chairs were set up.  My sister and her three children and her three children’s significant others and her four grandchildren were there and my brother and his wife were there with their two children.  Our family was excluded!  When I ask my sister and brother about this, they say I had my chance to go, but chose not to go.  That was not the case!  We wanted to go, but my sister had previously said she didn’t want me there and I thought that only my sister and perhaps my brother would be there.  It hurt so bad to be excluded from my father’s graveside ceremony when my family and I had been his caretakers for all those years.

In mid January, we find out from my brother that my son’s room at the Colorado house had to be cleared out completely.  Joel could not get away from his job in Idaho, so Dan and I get all the belongings (with my daughter Annabelle and her boyfriend Ben’s help) out.

In early February, the Colorado home gets put up for sale.  We ask my brother if there could be some time before the sale, but we are told that the probate attorney, Angela Kruse, says it needs to go up for sale immediately.  

We are then told we have just a few days in March to get the things we’d like from the house.  We hire a mover.

Shortly after the mover comes, the house is sold and the new owner takes possession of the house.  I cry so, so hard as we drive away one last time.  That was around March 22.

A few days after the sale I ask about getting my share of the sale and am told the Long Beach property my father owned must be sold before there is any payout.  I am told via email there should be no hurry, but from my point of view, I just want “this” to be over and move on.  

I then learn to delay the sale, that my nephew Drew Sainte Marie wishes to rent the Long Beach property for nine months for $2000 a month (a low rental rate, but would pay expenses) and after nine months, he could extend his lease.  I don’t approve the nine month lease and suggest a month to month or three month lease.  Drew does not accept those terms.  

I suggest Drew just stay there the way his brother, Cody, has been staying there.  I was told almost immediately after my father’s death by my sister Lynnellen that Cody and his kids needed to stay in that condo and that I could not use it.  I was also told by my brother Billy that we would be permitted to go the condo in Long Beach for only one week to get some closure and remove the things we wanted.

Instead, we make temporary arrangements for a place to stay in Belmont Shore.  We were told we couldn’t just show up to get our things and that we had to make formal arrangements with Cody to go inside the condo.  When we did go to the condo, we arrived to a completely trashed condo.  The very valuable rug was rolled up outside on the patio floor.  There was trash everywhere mixed in with some nice things that had been in the condo.  We did remove the things we wanted.

In late March we learn that the temp place we had arranged to stay in Long Beach had not worked out.  Dan rents a cargo van and takes the rug and the electric fireplace I bought my dad to Colorado.  He took a few other things we’d taken from the condo too.  I meet Dan in Colorado and we put things away.  Dan returns to Long Beach to spend the remainder of April with his mother and family.  

In early April, I contact my brother via email asking him the status of the condo in Long Beach and am told that I made things very difficult and that I won’t be hearing from him until he figures out how to proceed.  I realize that my uncle waited over 20 years to receive his inheritance since my sister and her kids lived in my grandmother’s house and it was never sold.  I don’t want the same thing to happen to me, so after receiving advice from several friends and my cousin, I hire a lawyer. 

The lawyer tell me that there is a deadline of May 2, 2022 for my brother as the trustee to disclose what exactly is in my father’s estate as an inventory.  Around May 13, about two weeks late the “disclosed inventory summary” is finally sent to my lawyer and my lawyer sends me what was disclosed (sent from the probate attorney my brother hired, Angela Kruse) and nothing except what I already knew was disclosed!  I only know that the Colorado home is sold and it is even stated that what was inside the Colorado Springs condo that was given to me in the Trust should be part of the estate!

An estate bank account should have been set up and this inventory of what was in the estate disclosure didn’t even list that!  

In summary, my brother’s statement that he would be totally transparent regarding estate matters has not happened.  

I feel horrible that I had to hire a lawyer, but there is no choice.  I do look forward to “this” being over and getting my financial portion of the estate, but I’m also so, so sad that I no longer have a brother and sister to mourn the loss of my dad with.  

My sister in law Amy even unfriended me on Facebook and my nephew Drew blocked me entirely.  

On a positive note, I did receive on May 7 a happy birthday text (one line) from my sister Lynnellen and also a happy birthday private message via Facebook messenger from her daughter, my niece, Cori.

Summary of losses:

My Daddy who I loved and cared for for so many years.

My life in Long Beach and the use of our family home there

My dad’s beautiful Colorado home which gave us so much happiness gone

My relationship with my brother and my sister and their families is gone

On a positive note:  My entire family, me, my three kids and my husband, came together in May and we’ve treasured every moment together.  Of course, all the wonderful memories we have of taking care of my dad can never be taken away. It is a shame that my siblings didn’t take the time to love him and care for him as we did.  We’ve also realized how fortunate we are to have so many loving cousins and friends.